My wife startled me awake; it was late, around midnight. “What was that?” “There’s something in your closet.” As I groggily began to waken I heard a sound emanating from the bedroom closet, it was too loud to just roll over and take care of it in the morning, it sounded like a Los Angeles Lakers’ victory celebration without the pyro-technics. This needed immediate attention and struggling to find my glasses in the pitch-black night, I hopped out of bed staggering toward the mirrored closet door as blood rushed up to my brain. Flipping on the light switch, the banging sounds got louder. I felt something nudge me from behind and was surprised to find Jo Ellen right behind me like I was some kind of human shield. I slowly slid the closet door open…
YEEK! Did I say that or was it Jo Ellen? I cannot remember but an 8-inch rat was clinging to my navy blazer at eye level about a foot from my face, so close it could’ve poked me in the eye with its tail. Now what? I quickly tried to ascertain my situation but found myself empty-handed, barefoot, wearing only baggy boxer shorts. I did what any brave husband would do in this situation… I slammed the sliding door shut.
I was not prepared for this battle so as my wife quickly evacuated the room, I retreated too, shutting the door behind me so I could compose my thoughts and determine a plan of action. It took a few minutes but I went downstairs and collected latex gloves, a flashlight, an Albertsons grocery bag and a broom. Adrenalin was kicking in as I began to get dressed but in the rush to wear something a little more protective than my underwear, I caught my latex glove in the zipper as I whipped up my pants.
Balancing a flashlight and broom in one hand while trying to untangle my gloved finger made this choreography a little clumsy. Finally dressed and battle ready I approached the fearful closet door and slid it open. Looking up to a top shelf where wires within a plastic sleeve in the attic go through the ceiling to TV components I found another rat sliding down the wires like it was some kind of rodent fire pole and this was a 3-alarm fire.
I was outnumbered and did not have WMD’s for this situation. Is this when I burn down my own house? Collecting my wits I retrieved several snap traps from the garage, baiting them with a delicacy, Jif creamy peanut butter. Heading back to the scene I could hear scattering sounds and caught several intruders in my flashlight beam as they ran along the far side baseboards. YIKES, I set the 2 traps and left with the door sealed shut.
Joining my wife downstairs in the guest room, now referred to as the Panic Room, I slid into bed next to her. This battle had just begun and I was going to need reinforcements. This Halloween story will continue next week.