My wife startled me awake; it was late, around midnight.  “What was that?”  “There’s something in your closet.”  As I groggily began to waken I heard a sound emanating from the bedroom closet, it was too loud to just roll over and take care of it in the morning, it sounded like a Los Angeles Lakers’ victory celebration without the pyro-technics.  This needed immediate attention and struggling to find my glasses in the pitch-black night, I hopped out of bed staggering toward the mirrored closet door as blood rushed up to my brain.  Flipping on the light switch, the banging sounds got louder.  I felt something nudge me from behind and was surprised to find Jo Ellen right behind me like I was some kind of human shield.  I slowly slid the closet door open…

YEEK!  Did I say that or was it Jo Ellen?  I cannot remember but an 8-inch rat was clinging to my navy blazer at eye level about a foot from my face, so close it could’ve poked me in the eye with its tail.  Now what?  I quickly tried to ascertain my situation but found myself empty-handed, barefoot, wearing only baggy boxer shorts.  I did what any brave husband would do in this situation… I slammed the sliding door shut. 

I was not prepared for this battle so as my wife quickly evacuated the room, I retreated too, shutting the door behind me so I could compose my thoughts and determine a plan of action.  It took a few minutes but I went downstairs and collected latex gloves, a flashlight, an Albertsons grocery bag and a broom.  Adrenalin was kicking in as I began to get dressed but in the rush to wear something a little more protective than my underwear, I caught my latex glove in the zipper as I whipped up my pants. 

Balancing a flashlight and broom in one hand while trying to untangle my gloved finger made this choreography a little clumsy.  Finally dressed and battle ready I approached the fearful closet door and slid it open.  Looking up to a top shelf where wires within a plastic sleeve in the attic go through the ceiling to TV components I found another rat sliding down the wires like it was some kind of rodent fire pole and this was a 3-alarm fire.  

I was outnumbered and did not have WMD’s for this situation.  Is this when I burn down my own house?  Collecting my wits I retrieved several snap traps from the garage, baiting them with a delicacy, Jif creamy peanut butter.  Heading back to the scene I could hear scattering sounds and caught several intruders in my flashlight beam as they ran along the far side baseboards.  YIKES, I set the 2 traps and left with the door sealed shut.

Joining my wife downstairs in the guest room, now referred to as the Panic Room, I slid into bed next to her.  This battle had just begun and I was going to need reinforcements.  This Halloween story will continue next week.

Recommended for you

(0) comments

Welcome to the discussion.

Keep it Clean. Please avoid obscene, vulgar, lewd, racist or sexually-oriented language.
PLEASE TURN OFF YOUR CAPS LOCK.
Don't Threaten. Threats of harming another person will not be tolerated.
Be Truthful. Don't knowingly lie about anyone or anything.
Be Nice. No racism, sexism or any sort of -ism that is degrading to another person.
Be Proactive. Use the 'Report' link on each comment to let us know of abusive posts.
Share with Us. We'd love to hear eyewitness accounts, the history behind an article.