There seems to be a never-ending stream of annoying spokesmen and actors on TV commercials.  Made-for-TV celebrities that you cannot get away from, like Mike Swindell, inventor of “My Pillow,” Dwight Esnard from “Mesa Garage Doors,” and Larry from “Sit ‘n Sleep.”  

According to my buddy Cal State Mathematics professor Cal Q. Layter, there is a direct relationship between frequency of the commercial and the tolerance of one to sit through a 30- or 60-second spot.  “Eventually the human brain succumbs to the repetitive message.  This numbness can sometimes result in Swedish Hostage Syndrome,” he says.

Local talent agent Feurgetta M’ Lynes explained to me the correlation between onscreen talent and the actual budget of the companies advertising their products and services. “TV advertising gets more bang for the buck using annoying characters you cannot get out of your mind.” 

I counter this point suggesting that the advertisers mix things up to make longer lasting impressions.  For example switch out the two front seat buddies in Sonic Drive In commercials with the two singing electricians from Powell Electric.  Casting the burger guys as soprano Powell electricians fist bumping their burgers while fixing your circuits and sockets is a sure bet for making more house calls.  Conversely, two electricians sharing hotdogs and tater tots can sing, “we’ll fix it in a flash” as a testament to fast service at Sonic.  

Some Pitchmen just don’t look trustworthy in their roles.  The guy wearing a tight suit in the Riverside Auto Group commercials should fill in at Fisher Investments selling financial services. Ken Fisher, with his curtain-worthy, yellow 1970’s necktie and baggy suit would be a better fit selling cars.  A guy in a tight suit can’t steal your money, his pants are too tight for the pockets to hold anything and a guy wearing old neckties is someone obviously living within his means.  However in this case, maybe the pitchmen should just exchange attire.

One can only fantasize on how to end the monotony of this TV pitchman group of Avengers. Imagine a plot with Mike Swindell catching Dwight Esnard and Larry testing mattresses at Sit ‘n Sleep.  As Larry screams, “I’ll beat any price or your mattress is free,” Mike jumps on Larry, smothering him with his “My Pillow,” shouting, “You’ll have the best night’s sleep ever.”   A shaken and startled Dwight jumps up and begins to monotone into his pitch, “But Wait….”

CLICK, time for bed.

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